A Horrible Interview

Mr X. Thanks for coming to the interview. Please have a seat.

OK. Thank you. I am really looking forward to working here in this company. It is like a 5-star hotel.

Before we start, can I ask you why you came late? It is nearly one hour.

Oh, really I didn’t want to come to this interview because I was still in bed and didn’t want to get up. I only started to move when my wife shouted at me to get up.

Oh, I see. Thank you for telling me that. You are very honest indeed.

Oh, not a problem.

OK. Now could you tell me why you are interested in working for our company?

I live not far away and thought if I got a job here, I wouldn’t have to buy a car. Every time I walked past here, the people didn't seem to work hard. So I said to myself why not get a job here.

Very well. Now can you tell me about your work history?

I worked in different jobs but didn’t like any of them. At school I didn’t like to study hard and wanted to be a photographer. I liked taking pictures of birds, you see. Now I can’t work as a photographer because I don’t have a good camera. They are very expensive these days. I worked in a pizza shop, at a supermarket and as a gardener for one day only. I got fired three times last year because other workers didn’t like me. I think it was because I worked harder than any of them.

May I ask how you can afford to live?

I get a pension. The government is very kind and that is why I vote for them. My wife has a full time job. So I don’t have to work that hard anyhow.

What are your plans for the next five years if I may ask you?

Well, I don’t have any plans. I just want to get a job where I don’t need to work very hard. I want a job where I can start at 11 o’clock in the morning.

Why 11 o'clock? Can’t you work before that?

No. I will be still in bed. You see I like watching TV and hate waking up early. I don’t know how so many people can do that. I also want a part-time job so I don’t need to pay much tax to the government. I think the government wastes tax money on lazy people in this country and this has to stop. I forgot to tell you that I need to finish work before 5 o’clock. I like watching the news on TV. I need to know what is happening in the world.

I see, Mr X. And what sort of education have you had?

I finished year 7 and left school after that. I had a teacher that was always shouting at me when I was asleep in class. I didn’t like the school and always ran away from my teachers because I didn’t want to sit down in class and study boring lessons. Don’t you think I was right?  

Well, of course you were right, Mr X. I think you are very honest. Now, how much money are you looking at?

Well, I want to have a good income. I need money to buy a new house and a new car. You see, my wife is expecting a baby and she will have to stop working. I have to take responsibility and gain money. I am a very good husband. I want 50 thousand dollars at least if I work here.

Don’t you think 50 thousand dollars a year is too much given that you didn't go to university?

I didn’t say 50 thousand dollars a year. You got me wrong. I meant 50 thousand dollars a month. I am sure the big boss here gets millions of dollars a year. Isn’t that right?

Oh, I will have to talk to my manager first and come back to you about that. Now, tell me about a difficult situation that you had at work before and what you did to solve the problem?

Well, I saw one worker at the pizza shop stealing money from the machine one night. He took $100.

And what did you do?

I took $50 from him and kept quiet about it.

I see. Now tell me. Are you a good team player?

Of course I am. I like giving orders to others and make them work as hard as they can. I am a leader. If they don’t do what I say, I shout at them. Some of them cry sometimes and leave work because of me. I don’t understand it. Anyhow, it will do your company a lot of good if you give me the job. I can be the big boss here in a very short time and get millions of dollars.
Mr X, we need someone who has advanced computer skills to do this job. Do you think you are the right person for the job?
Oh, any work on computers can be done easily. Tell me exactly what you what to have done and I will ask my next-door neighbours. They have a son who is on the internet all the time. I believe he can do anything for me. He always checks his email and is always on Facebook.

Now, Mr X. Do you have any questions that you would like to ask me?

I first need to say that I really enjoyed this interview. You are a nice man. The only question I would like to ask is when will I hear if I have got the job or not?

Well, there was a guy who used to do this job and he stole half a million dollars from our company and was fired. We will give him a call and beg him to come back. He can also keep the money he took. If he doesn’t want to work for us any more, we will surely give you a call to welcome you to our company.